“I know I should accept myself, but I don’t know how” – this is one of the sentences I hear most often in my practice. Self-acceptance is often treated as something that should just happen on its own, as long as we try hard enough or read enough articles on the topic. In reality, it’s a process that takes time, concrete steps, and – most of all – patience with yourself.
Why self-acceptance is harder when it comes to body and sexuality
Body and sexuality are areas where the inner critical voice tends to be especially loud – because from childhood we’re bombarded with messages about how a body “should” look, how much sex we “should” want, and what “normal” sexuality is supposed to look like. These messages come from media, comparing ourselves to others, and sometimes from remarks made by people close to us in the past – and they stay with us for a long time, even when we intellectually know they’re unrealistic.
What most often blocks self-acceptance
Comparing yourself to an unrealistic standard. Social media and pornography show a curated, often edited image of the body and sexuality that few people are able to – or should – match.
The belief that acceptance means giving up on change. Many people worry that if they accept themselves as they are, they’ll stop striving for anything. In reality, it’s often the opposite – lasting change tends to come more easily from a place of acceptance than from a place of inner war with yourself.
Old messages that still linger. A remark heard in childhood or during puberty (“you’re too…”, “something’s wrong with you because…”) can keep running in your head decades later, even when you rationally know it was unfair.
Where to start
1. Notice the critical voice instead of automatically listening to it. The first step is simply noticing when a critical thought about your body or sexuality appears – without immediately trying to fight it. Just noticing “oh, that thought again” creates a small space between you and that thought.
2. Check whose voice it actually is. Many critical thoughts about ourselves aren’t our own original beliefs – they’re a repetition of something we heard from someone else: a parent, an ex-partner, the media. Asking “is this really my opinion, or someone else’s that I picked up?” can be surprisingly revealing.
3. Trade comparison for noticing function. Instead of judging your body by how it looks next to others, try noticing what it does for you – how it lets you move, feel pleasure, be close to another person.
4. Be specific, not general. Instead of aiming for an abstract “loving yourself,” it’s easier to start with one concrete thing – one body part or one aspect of your sexuality you want to make peace with this month.
5. Give yourself room for a process, not a switch. Self-acceptance rarely arrives as a sudden epiphany – it’s usually a series of small moments in which you respond to yourself a little more gently than before.
When it’s worth seeking support
If the critical voice toward your body or sexuality is strong enough to affect your relationships, your avoidance of closeness, or your everyday wellbeing, that’s a good sign to talk to someone from the outside. Sometimes what we’ve tried for years to work through alone suddenly becomes much easier to name and understand in conversation with another person.
If you recognize yourself in this text, book an individual consultation – let’s talk about where your critical voice came from and how to start building a different relationship with it.
